A Lesson I Learned the Hard Way as a Leader
One of the hardest challenges for many leaders - one that some never overcome - is giving honest feedback to low performers. The fear of hurting someone’s feelings or damaging relationships keeps many leaders from having these necessary conversations. I know because I struggled with this too.
For much of my leadership journey, I avoided these conversations. I softened my words so much that the message got lost. Why? Because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. I convinced myself that I was being kind. But the truth? I was failing them, and failing as a leader.
I had to learn the hard way that honest feedback isn’t about criticism: it’s about care. If I truly valued my team members as people, I owed it to them to help them see their blind spots. If I didn’t, I wasn’t doing them any favors. In fact, I was doing them a disservice. And how did I learn this? A respected peer and mentor pointed it out to me - directly and compassionately.
Here’s what I came to understand: If someone struggles in their role but never hears about it, they aren’t given the chance to improve. They stay stuck. And if they leave for another job, they carry those same challenges with them, unaware of the obstacles they face.
But when a leader steps up with honesty - paired with respect and a genuine desire to help - something powerful happens. That struggling employee now has the opportunity to learn, to grow, and to develop new skills. Some rise to the challenge and improve. Others realize they’re in the wrong role and make a necessary career shift. Either way, the conversation serves them, their future, and the organization. And in many cases, it deepens the respect and commitment between both of you.
So, I stopped avoiding the tough conversations, I committed to giving clear, constructive feedback, rooted in a belief that people want to do well and deserve to know how to get there. If I truly wanted to be a servant leader and treat people with the respect I would want, I had to be honest with them. It wasn’t always easy, and it took a LOT of practice, but it was right.
Have you ever hesitated to give someone difficult feedback? What did you learn from that experience? Let’s talk about it on LinkedIn - join the conversation!
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